A Piece of Me

April 2, 2020

When the government placed the "shelter at home"measure,  I mentioned to my husband that I felt as though I have been in quarantine for over a year.  Let me tell you a bit of my back story so you can better understand. 

December 2018, my husband who is Canadian, was offered a job opportunity in Calgary, Canada.  After discussing our options and what we believed would be best for our family (less commuting, a once in a lifetime experience for our kids, more family time), we decided to make the move.  Three weeks later, my eldest son and I drove my husband from Southern California to Calgary, Alberta so he could start his new job.  He would stay in Canada, while I returned home and raise our two sons and continued to work. 

After seven months of living apart, I finally put my formal notice at work, packed our entire lives and moved away from everyone and everything we knew.   I was moving to a town that I had never visited, and I was scared (to put it lightly).  The change was a drastic one. It was difficult to acclimate; I lived in a place that had what felt like a perpetual summer to a place that feels as though it's perpetually winter.  

Because I am still awaiting my residency paperwork, I'm unable to work or volunteer at my son's school.  I felt trapped, I tried my best to adjust, but going from working 40 plus hours a week to stay at home mom 24/7 was an immense adjustment.  Don't get me wrong, I loved being home with my four-year-old son, but it was a major shift that still, almost two years later, I struggle to adjust with. 

I made a few acquaintances with fellow soccer parents, but nothing more than that.  Little by little, I felt trapped in my home, the depression came and it came hard especially during the long winter months.  I know it's hard for someone who doesn't suffer from depression or anxiety to understand, but I began to feel extremely dependent on my husband. Suddenly, going to the grocery store was a task I was unwilling to do alone. I went from wanting to go out every weekend, to praying my husband didn't suggest we make any plans.  

But as I write this in the midst of the quarantine, I feel more alone because although I wouldn't be able to visit my family, I at least could know they were only a half-hour away from me.  I speak to my fellow friends from California who still work in the education system (which I was a part of for ten years) and I wish I was there to help.  I feel there's so much to do, and I feel helpless. 

So now that you know a little bit of me, I'm sharing what I want to begin doing to better take care of myself so I can be a better person, mom, wife, friend:

1. Meditate and begin to practice yoga
2. Reach out to local organizations which can use my help without the need of being a permanent legal resident
3. Continue to work towards my Liberal Arts degree, I'm more than halfway there!
4. Use the many free photography tutorials to learn how to better use my camera and my time
5. Be Present and happy for my family